Coaching with LDS values

Episode 101: How I Teach People to Solve Their Problems with Their Adult Children Using the Teachings of Jesus Christ This is Bonnie Lyman, and you are listening to the podcast, Loving on Purpose, episode 101, how I teach people to solve their problems with their adult children using the teachings of Jesus Christ. Welcome to the podcast, Loving On Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble navigating through your relationships with your adult children, if you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, this You're in the right place. Hello everyone. Welcome to another episode. I so appreciate all of you that listen, who share, who've given me comments. Some feedback. I I just love all of you and I love this time of year. I love Worshipping who I worship Jesus Christ and I love this time of year that it seems like we are a little more patient a little Less judgmental a little more loving a little more forgiving and so today I'm going to talk to you on how I teach people to solve their problems with their adult children using the teachings of Jesus Christ. When people ask me what I do, I tell them that I help people solve their problems, particularly pertaining to their relationships with their adult children. And Oftentimes, if they are young adults, they say, Oh, I wish you could talk to my mother, but it's a two way street. There's gotta be give and take. There's gotta be love, nonjudgment and forgiveness on both sides. But we can't control that will happen. We can only control what happens on our side and what goes on in our brain. So I teach moms especially to look at their children from a different perspective than what they normally do. I help them see what's happening through a different lens, a different perspective. I help them see what's going on in their brain that is causing their hurt. And that means I help them see that it's their thoughts about their children's actions that make them feel hurt. Or frustrated, or perhaps unimportant and not their children's actions. But we have all been brought up to believe that what's happening in our lives, whether it's the weather, whether what's happening in the world, or our adult children's behavior, that is causing these hurt feelings. But this is not true. The happening The circumstance, as we call it, causes us to have certain thoughts, certain meanings about what's going on, and it's those thoughts that either cause us to feel pain or to feel peaceful. But in my heart, And in my mind, because of my faith, and what I learn when I go to the church, and I go, I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, I know the answer to any problem is really The gospel, the teachings of Jesus Christ, following these teachings, studying these teachings, we can learn what we need to do to live the most peaceful life that we possibly can. If we follow In Jesus's teachings, we tend to have thoughts to live a more peaceful life. When we choose our thoughts well, we have the feelings we need to act like Jesus, that he has advised us to act like, which then in turn, to be able to act this way, we had to have loving, peaceful thoughts. Thoughts, to have those feelings, to be able to act in accordance. I was talking to my friend the other day, she's a gal that does my nails, who is Buddhist, about what Buddhist teaches them regarding living a happy life. And it's much the same teachings as Jesus teach. It's just a different person. Shoo! I am reading a book by the Dalai Lama called The Art of Happiness, a handbook for living. And the principles he shares are the same as Jesus's and Buddha. Now, we have different responsibilities attached to each of these people, different missions in their role, different places, different people that we are with after we die. But the principles of how to live a happy life in this life are basically pretty much the same. And I have chosen to follow Jesus. While many other people, people who also want to live a good life, who are trying to be good, follow somebody else, but they have these same teachings. My references today will be from Jesus teaching, as that, as that is who I have chosen to study out and to follow and to try to copy in my life. Some of his teachings are harder for me to follow than others. So I'm going to talk about some of these harder ones today. I don't really have a problem with being tempted to have an adulterous affair or to murder Someone or to steal from someone, I'm just never tempted with those, but some of these other things I've been asked to do, some of these other teachings are harder to follow. Most people that are Christians would totally agree and believe that the teaching is true, that loving Everyone, not judging anyone and forgiving everyone is the best way to live. And actually a lot believe that they are a person that always does those things. If you ask why they should follow those teachings, they will usually say, because I'll have a peaceful, more happy life. But when we feel wronged Or we feel resentful or hurt, or we feel unimportant or disrespected, say, by our adult children. We forget that Jesus taught us a way to have a more compassionate perspective, to have more compassionate. And that is the benefit of following these righteous principles. We don't follow these principles just to show love and respect to Jesus and God, even though that makes me feel good that I'm doing what they've asked me to do. But the main reason for following these principles is to feel a feeling that we like feeling, such as peace. My purpose in my coaching program then, if the teachings of Jesus Christ is the answer to all of our problems, is to help people apply these teachings, and to know where to start when they feel they have been wronged. If we want to feel love for an adult child that say is unkind to us. We need to have loving thoughts. We need to find a different perspective as to why we think they're acting this way. If we don't want to think they should be kind to us because that thought doesn't feel good either. We need to have non judgmental and loving thoughts, compassionate thoughts about them. If we want to forgive them for being unkind to us, when maybe they don't deserve to be forgiven, we need to have forgiving thoughts about them in order to find peace. I think of Jesus. Who was so unjustly treated and accused, and yet his plea to God was not revenge, but forgiveness. In Luke 23, verse 34, we read, Father. Forgive them, for they know not what they do, and I have offered that thought to many of my clients who I know are Christian, of how many times this thought would have served us, instead instead. of having a thought, well, they should be the one initiating a phone call once in a while. It shouldn't always just be me, because if we have that other thought, forgive them, I forgive them, so they don't realize that they're causing me any harm. Then, I am going to have more peace and love and compassion for my child. How can we show mercy, and the definition of mercy According to the Oxford Dictionary, is compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within our power to not show compassion or forgiveness or even to punish or harm. So, how can we show mercy, which in this definition is compassion and forgiveness, if we're blaming our children for their actions being the cause of us feeling unimportant and unloved? To show mercy toward a child is to think a forgiving thought that causes us to feel compassion, that in turn causes us to choose to behave in a more loving way toward them. It is in our power to feel love rather than withdrawing from our children. By choosing thoughts that are judgmental in Ephesians 4, 2, it reads, be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing one with another in love. And this is for our purpose. If we can learn to do that, and that I think. Is to choose to decide to unconditionally love our children and figure out how to have loving compassionate thoughts toward them in every situation. Romans 12 10 reads, be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above ourselves. Another great teaching, if we follow, and another way I like to say that, is to put our desires aside in place of the needs our children are having. Matthew 8, 21, and 22 reads, and this has to do with forgiveness or judgment. Then came Peter to him, being Jesus, and said, Lord, how off shall my brother sin against me? Do harm to me, be unkind to me, not show more love, not include me more in their, in their life. And I forgive him till seven times. And in the next verse, Jesus answers, Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee until seven times, but seventy times seven. We have been asked to not judge, but to forgive others an infinite number of times. It's easy to judge our children on how they spend their spare time, how they raise their children. How they keep the Sabbath day, how clean a house they keep, or perhaps their treatment of you. But according to Jesus, none of this matters or should matter to us. We need to learn choosing to love those behaviors of our children we dislike. And this will help us to become more Christ like, to be more at peace. in a way we never dreamed possible. Loving, forgiving, and not judging is for our benefit. And that is why I try my hardest to live by these teachings. We can't make others better. But we can make ourselves better where either judging others or loving them. I admonish you to practice this week in light of the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ and what he has taught in his mission in coming to earth. Practice this week focusing on what you like about others. And pay attention to how loving it makes you feel. How you feel determines how you behave around others. Love just loves. Loving Another person comes from having loving thoughts, and in Proverbs 23 7, it reads, As he thinketh in his heart, so is he. I hope that you are feeling the Christmas spirit. I hope you are able to bring that into your home by not being caught up in things aren't necessary to be done to celebrate Christmas, to focus on how you can love others more easily. Practice. Choosing to find something to love in everyone. I wish you a happy week and I'll talk to you next week. If you like this, this episode and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody that perhaps it could also benefit. But if you're still feeling kind of stuck and that you don't know, How to apply what was talked about or where to start on, on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship. Get on a call with me and we can have a discussion. And I can tell you how to apply it and where we start. And then you get to decide what you want to do about this relationship that maybe you're struggling with with your adult children. There's no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling with our relationships with our adult children. Let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other, and we're just trying to figure out how to maintain our own boundaries and respect another one's. But I can help you with everything. So just go to BonnieLyman. com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .